Four things to Say to people when they ask you why haven’t you any children yet?
Once you hit your thirties and you’re in a relationship it’s amazing how often you hear someone say
Any plans to have children yet? Or why have you not any children yet?
It’s amazing how many people assume that having children is a natural part of life!
In many ways it’s well meant and in other ways its darn right rude to ask such a personal question, as you never know what is going on in that person’s life!
OR how they will respond or what they are thinking in their heads when you ask, and the response can be anything from:
1. One of us is firing blanks! – (no one’s business!)
2. God has not blessed us with a child – (that will shut them up!)
3. We’re trying but keep miscarrying – (bet your sorry you asked!)
4. We’ve decided not to have any children - jaws drop at his one! People are cheeky enough to say ““aren’t you being selfish”?!!
OR, “oh you should keep an open mind on that one!!”
It takes effort and patience to keep your cool when asked such personal questions!
So what’s the best way to respond when asked about having kids or not?
Remain calm – "Whether we plan to have children or not is not up for discussion!"
(There is no need to elaborate past this!) and sometimes it will be necessary to avoid or remove yourself from these types of situations and maybe even certain family gatherings that you know can get just to personal!!
Fertility is a sensitive topic and people have no right to ask and that includes family too!
It can be a painful discussion for those who have been struggling, and often for many years too.
If you have decided not to have children and wish to elaborate, you can say –
"We have decided as a couple to have a child free relationship and life style! We value the life we have and plan to enjoy it, we feel complete and have no urgent need to have any!"
Times are changing - It is important not to make any judgments towards couples who have decided to have a child-free life and to honor the path the couple has chosen.
If you are on a journey and struggling whether it be trying to have a baby or coming to terms in not having a child or looking for support in how to respond to having a child-free life ,take hope, there is non judgemental help available here for you to receive the support that you need right now. Call me or email me for an appointment today! Aisling :-)